There are so many times when there is joy and laughter with songs. I still love to listen to the special cd of songs from my wedding. Some classic songs like You are my Sunshine Some that speak to our hearts and help express our deepest thoughts Bring it on Home by Little Big Town. “You've got someone here Wants to make it all right Someone that loves you more Than life right here You've got willing arms that'll hold you tight A hand to lead you on through the night right here I know your heart can get All tangled up inside But don't you keep it to yourself” and of course the ones that show of fun and goofy side She thinks My Tractor is Sexy by Kenny Chesney because my husband collects tractors.
There are songs that I associate with my kids. H’s song is Day after Day by Badfinger I remember finding out about you Every day, my mind is all around you Looking out from my lonely room, day after day Bring it home, baby, make it soon I give my love to you. J has been dubbed Joshua Giraffe after the song of the same name by Raffi much to his dismay but I still see him smile a bit whenever I call him that. Little R love all types of music we do a music theme almost every day. Disco Tuesdays, flash back Wednesdays, and golden oldies Thursdays. The first song he ever reacted to was Frank Sinatra’s My Way when he was just 3 weeks old. I also have made up two songs that he loves to hear every day.
I truly do have music on all day long, sometimes as background noise, other times to crank up sing and dance along to and let all my emotions good or bad out.
In some of my most painful times music can be a release or my comfort. Four years ago when a friend died too young causing so much pain I did not know how to express exactly how I was feeling. Then a new song came out on the radio that said it all. Who you be Today by Kenny Chesney It ain't fair you died too young Like a story that had just begun The death tore the pages all away God knows how I miss you All the hell that I've been through Just knowing no one could take your place Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today. One cold gray cloudy day as I drove to work the song came on the radio. As I began to cry stopped at a stop sign I looked to the left and there was a rainbow in the sky just for a few minutes as if God was to tell me it is ok he is here with me. Still when I hear it I think of him, the rainbow, and God’s promise of eternal life.
Just after I was married I became pregnant we of course were so happy. When I went for my 8 week check up they were unable to find a heartbeat. That afternoon I had to have a D&C to remove the baby and as I laid there in the hospital bed it hit me like a ton of bricks and all I could do was sing Abba I belong to you by Peder Eide Abba I belong to You, I belong to you. Abba Father. Abba I belong to You, I belong to you. Abba Father God. Abba is an Aramaic for daddy; Jesus called out God as his Abba and shocked the disciples that he was speaking in such a childish way. But in that time I needed my daddy to hold me and make it better. A calm came over me and I knew that it would be alright.
This past fall when I had kidney stones again lying in the hospital bed crying and praying for the pain meds to kick in I sang the entire Tree of Life church service, again I truly felt Jesus presence he wrapping his arms around me rocking his child and comforting my pain.
In February as I sat by the bedside of my terminally ill mother in law it was the word of classic spirituals that I sang to her to help her fell comfort and let her know it was alright that it was time to go. Amazing Grace to remind her of God’s grace and undying love and Softly and Tenderly; Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling, calling for you and for me; see, on the portals he's waiting and watching, watching for you and for me. Refrain: Come home, come home; ye who are weary come home; earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling, calling, O sinner, come home! I’ll Fly Away; Some bright morning when this life is over I'll fly away To that home on God's celestial shore I'll fly away. I leaned over and whispered it’s ok S it is time for you to fly away. On February 22, 2010 she did just that.
Every day I struggle with my mental illness of depression and anxiety, along with the trials and tribulations of this life. Even when the days are really tough I know that I can and will preserver for it is well with my soul.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul. Refrain: It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live: If Jordan above me shall roll, No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait, The sky, not the grave, is our goal; Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord! Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll; The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, Even so, it is well with my soul. Horatio G. Spafford
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