Monday, July 26, 2010

If "Bitter is the New Black" and black is slimming I am an anorexic bitch.

I just got home from a “Evening with Jenifer Weiner and Jen Lancaster” and let me tell you those chicks are funny as hell. Which got me thinking dam it I used to be funny what the hell happened? Then I remember I gave up myself.
Gone are the days of what my life used to be and all the funny antidotes that when with it. No longer am I the Executive assistant who could spend hours retelling the stories of the Type A (anal as hell) VP that could drive a monk crazy. Good god could he complete one frickin thought in under 3 minutes. Or the wild chick who danced on bar tops and pool tables who hardly ever had to buy her own drinks. Gone are the days of multiple boyfriends and/or affairs that were just one big joke after another, and not just in bed but their ideas of commitment or lack of to me or others.
There no longer is a I am but who’s am. Keith wife who keeps his life in check, his dinnerr made and his needs satisfied, his house renovated and decorated . Josh’s stepmom who makes him do chores and be responsible for himself and his actions something his mother would NEVER do. Which in turn some days or possible some hours makes me his step monster. Hailie’s mom the one who lets her get away with the least and tries to make her a responsible child but somewhere along the way is seeming to fail. Ryan’s mom the one who dose it all, the snuggle bug, the poopy diaper changer, the one who will sit up in bed all night just so he can sleep on her chest when he is not in the mood to sleep in his own bed. Everyone's baby sitter, Kim’s fall back plan and Alex and Mal’s back up so they can have weekends off.

I have completely lost the sense of me and who I am what I want and how I want to feel. I am letting everyone else dictate what I do and how I spend my days. Yes helping others and raising my children are good things but everyday I wake up and think what am I going to do for someone else today and hardly ever thinking about what I get to do for me today. I always feel and look like the heavy set schlumpy housewife who never has time to take care of herself past the shower and brushed hair. I want to get out more and have friends again and not just the people at the grocery store. I want to beable to feel 28 like I really am and have a life in front of me not completely wore out like I mostly do and dam it I want to be funny again even if it is at other people’s expense.